As you most of you know we received a referral for a sweet boy the 15th of March, but most of you don’t know the before and after story.  I did not blog about the intial before, because I was trying not to get my hopes up.  I did not blog about accepting the referral, because I was extremely busy and without a computer for a bit.  I did not blog about the after, because I was emotional empty and heartbroken.  I am finally at a place where I can write it all down or at least attempt to.

Let’s start with the before………….

Feb 21^st I was checking my adoption websites waiting children list.  I did this often and prayed over many of those sweetpeas and their potential families.  I would show some of them to Joel on occasion and see what he thought.  He has been much more business about the adoption…….making sure the paperwork was done, finances, etc.  Most of you that know me, know I wanted to bring home almost everyone of those children.   Joel was always the voice of reason, saying no that is not the one for us.  I always accepted his responses, knowing he was in constant prayer about who God had for us.  Late on the night of the 21^st, I saw the pic of a little guy on the website.  He pulled at my heart in a different way than the others had.  I showed him to Joel and he felt the same.  We decided to send an email to the agency to find out more.

The next few weeks were a blur of emails, prayers, fasting, and crying for this little guy.  We had hurdle after hurdle.  The first hurdle was that this little guy was in Uganda and we were approved for Ethiopia.  All our paperwork was in Ethiopia.  Anyone that has been part of an adoption knows that there is a ton of paperwork involved.  The kicker was that we could use none of our Ethiopia paperwork for a Ugandan adoption.  Everything had to be redone and that means more money and a ton of work.  I thought for sure Joel would pull the brake.  His practical side kicking in, but no his heart was now engaged.  I even thought while vacuuming one day, “God, this is too much work.  We can never get this done.”  I was immediately convicted.  What if Jesus stopped before the cross and said, “This is too much work! “

What if He gave up on us, his children?  No, we were going forward until he shut the door.

The biggest hurdle is that we had received orders to move to Italy and that would not work with a Ugandan adoption.  The Ugandan adoption is not finalized in country and has to be completed in the United States.  If we were living in Italy, that could not happen.  We got a call that Joel had rec’d a job in NC and our orders were being switched.  We were amazed and felt God was opening the door even wider for this little one.  We notified our agency immediately.

We waited and prayed some more.   We as a family knew it would be along shot to be chosen for this boy, but we were committed to praying for him and whoever his family was to be.  We were even blessed with finding a blog from his orphanage.  He was in an amazing place and I could visually see the love he was surrounded by.  Another blessing from God!

And then on March 15^th, I missed the call telling us that they had chosen us for this little guy.  I am challenged when it comes to all things cell phone related.  I am not sure how I missed the call, but I did and it was probably a good thing.  The agency then sent me a message on our portal and when I received it I was a mess.  I was crying and laughing.  I immediately hit my knees and started thanking God for it all.  If I had been on the phone with my agency, she would probably have not understood a word I said.  I immediately sent her a response on the email and even managed to mess that up.  I think I hit send way too many times and she received the message numerous times.  I was over the moon excited!

Joel was in class at the time and could not have his cell phone.  I called his office and got one of his coworkers they said they were not suppose to remove him from class, but they could slip him a note.  I had them write, “He is ours!”.  Joel called back in a matter of minutes.  He said when the coworker gave him the note he jumped up and ran out of the class.  The girls were just as excited.  Carol Lee wanted to go to the airport right then to pick him up, Audrey was wanting a picture to show her class, and Isa could not look at me.  She was crying tears of joy.  It seemed like our now years of waiting were over.  We knew who was going to be ours, now we just had to get him home.

I studied those sweet boys pictures, just like you would your newborn.  I knew he bit his bottom lip quite often, he rarely smiled, he had a scar on his forehead, he had really big feet, and a really cute nose.  Carol Lee absolutely loved his nose.  We decided to call him Amos.  We chose it long ago and loved it for him.  We as a family love the musician Amos Lee, it is also a biblical name, and it is just a really cool name.

The after-

We rejoiced and shared with all our family and friends.   We dove into our new dossier and had much of it done the first week.  It is a lot easier to get a mountain of paperwork done when you have a sweet face to think about.   I was going out of town for over a week, so I wanted to get everything done that I could before I left.

I had a wonderful weekend away with some old friends and then started my week long stay with my grandparents.  I love this time with them, just to feel like a kid again and spoil them some.  I try to go it few times a year and I have an amazing husband that plays mommy/daddy so that I can.

They do not have wireless, so my computer would not work there. That is part of the reason I did not blog the beginning of the story.  I was stuck with only my cell phone to check facebook, emails, adoption portal, and the orphange blog.  Typing a blog post on the cell phone……….out of my ability. I explained early about my cell phone challenges.

And now as I write this, the tears come again.  The story changed dramatically only 13 days later.

It was on the cell phone that I found out news that would change everything.  The whole dream of Amos being ours crashed in an instant.  In the ups and downs of international adoption, this is one I did not expect.

I checked the orphanage blog just before I went to sleep, to see if I could get a glimpse of sweet Amos and his day.  There was his sweet little face with his best friend on my cell phone screen, but it was the title of the blog post that put me on edge.  It said he had a new family.  My mind was thinking that maybe they were going to announce us as his new family, but as I continued to read and see the pictures, that was not the case.

A local family had come and adopted him.  In tears, I called Joel.  To be away from the one you need most when your world comes to a halt was not easy.  I quickly switched into auto pilot mode.  I was there to enjoy the week with my grandparents and I could not break down.  It would not be fair to them.  In order to do so, I could not take calls and speak of it with my friends and family.   I did do a ton of praying.  My emotions went from one extreme to the other.  God did a ton of healing in my heart.

I finally got home and was able to let the tears flow.  I know it is hard for some of you to believe that I could be so invested in this little guy in just a few short weeks.

I do not believe I could explain it to you in words.  I am just not that good of a writer.  Just know that this boy still has our heart.  It has been over a month and his picture is still on our wall.  I also noticed that Joel has the “He is ours!” note tucked away in his wallet.  All love comes with risk, but I have faith in God and His plan.  I know he used that precious face to move us to the Ugandan program.  Without that face we would have never switched from the Ethiopian program.

We are now on a new path to a new sweet face……….more to come on that.

I am sure most who fly have thousand of “What ifs?” go through their mind as the plane is taking off.  I wonder if any one’s  “What ifs?” are like mine.

In the wake of the world events this week, concerns of flying have been heightened.  My little brother even gave me the raised eyebrows and said, “Be careful flying!”  Like i can really be careful flying.  I am placing my life in the planes stability and the pilots skill.  Ultimately I am placing my life in Gods hands.  He has ultimate control of my destiny.

Back on topic………What if i never see my husband again?  What if i never see my girls again?  Do they know how much i love them?  What if we had to make an emergency landing?  Will i know what to do? Of all these questions, the one that comes to mind the most and plays through my mind the whole flight is-What if i know the plane is going down with no chance of survival and I know that some on this plane do not know Jesus?  Will i stand up and share?  Will I take the few moments we have to share with the people sitting within inches of me?  Why would i wait until I knew death was imminent to share the love of Jesus?

I am the type of person that does not like to “bother” anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable.  In a plane, i may say hello to the person sitting next to me, but I do not have a conversation with them unless they initiate it.  Even in everyday life with family members and friends, I usually “Love them where they are at!” (Thank you LK!) or “Love them anyway!” (Thank you LC!).  I do not always share my beliefs, but hope that my light shines for Jesus in the things I do.

Is my light shining bright enough when i share my excitement to get home to my husband & children with the lady sitting next to me?  Or when i share the longing i have for the children I believe God has handpicked for me in Ethiopia?

As I look out the window of the plane, I am enamored with all the lights you see on that flight.  There is way more light than darkness.  I wonder if God looks down with joy as the world he created becomes more illuminated with progress.  Or does he only find joy in the growth of light in the hearts of his people.  Am i helping to create more lights that glorify him?  Or am i missing the chance to ignite that spark in others?

Revelations 22:5

⁵ There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

I guess i can put the flight “What ifs?” to rest until I fly again.  Praying my next flight will be to meet my child(ren) in Ethiopia!

J

Where to start?

We have had so many blessings these past few weeks.  I think God has provided us with so many things to be thankful for and to keep our mind off what is going on with the Ethiopian Adoption process.  We have no control over it.  All we can do is keep walking in faith and be open to where God leads us.

Just a few highlights from the past few weeks….

*We got to attend a very special church service in Fayetteville, NC.  Our dear friends had their son dedicated to God and vowed to raise him in His ways.  We have been blessed to watch them grow as a couple, as parents, as believers.  They are truly a testimony to the servants God would have us be.  We also got to see many great friends while we were there.  Always love our Carolina time!  What is not to love………..two words……….SWEET TEA.  The people are just as sweet!

*Our Chickfila yard sale & car wash is in the planning stages.  We have had so many wonderful donations from our friends.  Words can not express how blessed we feel to have such loving and generous people in our lives.  All the proceeds will help that adoption account balance rise and hopefully get those children home soon.

*We got a whole week with some of our very best friends.  They drove up from NC and helped us do a few projects around the house.  The guys ripped up our whole front landscaping and redid it.  I love it!  We were able to shop around to get some good prices on plants.  We also made a cornice for my kitchen window.  It adds so much character and is so cheap.  I may being doing more of those in the future.  Joel warned me not to get “cornice crazy”, but it is so cute and cheap.  We were also blessed to get an adult meal out courtesy of some very sweet people.  It was yummy!  The whole family was sad to see them leave, even the dogs.

*Some sweet joy came when new friends of ours rec’d their referral from Ethiopia.  We are so excited for them and can not wait to see their family together as a whole.  May God give them all peace & comfort until they can be together.   The emotion that came over me when i heard the mother describe the connection she felt when she looked a their pictures…………that was intense!  Tears and goose bumps.

*Our oldest made a travel softball team and the middle school softball team.  We are so excited for her!  It does mean a ton of going for us, but that is what kids are for.  They keep you busy and young.

That is all that i can recall right now, but i know that there is a ton that i am forgetting.  Praise God for all the blessings!

We have some of the greatest friends in the world.  We really do not deserve them!

j

I totally forgot to share a blessing that Joel & I received a few months ago.  This little blessing keeps me on my toes, gets me back in the swing of caring for a little one, and helps with the adoption expenses.  A friend of mine has been watching a sweet baby boy for sometime now, but moved a little further away in Dec.  She was no longer able to watch him and recommended me as the substitute.  I watch him 3-4 days a week.  It has been an amazing fit for our family.  The whole family adores him and I think he is fond of us as well.  We may even spoil him a bit………..ok I admit I am the one who spoils him.  The pain in my back is the proof, because i almost never put him down.

It is so cute to see all three of the girls try to be the little moms.  They constantly tell me what he needs or wants.  Today I had a cute little moment in mothering.  Mothering is so busy and hectic sometimes that we forget to rejoice in the little things.  Carol Lee wanted to help feed him his yogurt today.  I was totally going to say no, because I did not want yogurt all over him, the table, and the floor.  Then i thought of her helping feed her new little sibling soon.  It would be such great practice for her.  Who cares if it made a huge mess?  After all, how else is she going to learn to be a mom to her own little ones.   I handed her the spoon and watched her go.  She even collected the yogurt off his chin with the spoon.  They watch and learn more than we think they do.

It also made me remember feeding my own little brother.  We are three years apart, but he has always felt like my first child.  I adore him and I am so proud of the man he has become.  He even helped us create this blog site.  He is amazingly talented.  I could go on and on bragging on him, but back to the story.  I remember feeding him baby food out of the jar and  baby bananas was my favorite.  One bite for him, one bite for me, one bite for him, one bite for me………no wonder he was so skinny. 

J

I had the chance to be part of something really great today.  I hope you take the time to read this and consider becoming a part of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Belt.  Your decision could impact so many lives.  Below is an excerpt from Amy Bennetts blog post of how the belt came to be such an impacting accessory.

“I mean, here I was summarizing how the poor needed us and I had just spent $28 on a belt I’d probably wear a handful of times.  In fact, when I looked it up, that $28 could have given 28 Africans clean water for a year.

During that post, I offered to sell the belt, even though it was new and shiny and cute, for the price I paid just days before and all the money would go to blood: water mission.  I couldn’t take back the belt and get back my money but I could “sell my possessions and give to the poor”.  It wasn’t all my possessions but it was step.

One of my best friends Dani jumped at the chance that day.  She knew she HAD to be the one to buy it.  And then, God stepped in and wouldn’t leave either of us alone that entire night.  I sent her an email the next morning and said, what if we made this like the Sisterhood for the Traveling Pants but for the belt and everyone donated to blood:water mission in order to take their turn with it?  What if everyone took their picture with it and we posted it? What if we had a map? What if we made a goal to have 28 people do it?  What if we had a journal to pass along with the belt? The questions wouldn’t stop and the cool thing is, we were on the exact same page.”  Amy Bennett of  Permission To Peruse

That goal of 28 has now reached 73 and growing.  My prayer, as I send this adorable belt off to the next person on the list, is that this will be bigger than the two of them ever dreamed.    Blood:Water Missions has helped 617,000 people in 11 African countries get access to clean water.  The mission has also opened 3 clinics to help with the HIV/Aids crisis.  Take a turn with the belt and you could be blessing Africans with clean water.  Something we so easily take for granted.  It makes my heart smile to think that this mission could possibly be helping my little one(s) in Ethiopia.  Over 60% of Ethiopians do not have access to clean water.  I know that is unthinkable to us, but a reality to so many.

So check out Blood:Water Belt and become a part of the Sisterhood of The Traveling Belt!  If you don’t think you can take a turn at this time, could you please share the link on your Facebook page?  Thanks!

J